Isis-taistelijan ja hänen äitinsä riipaiseva viimeinen kirjeenvaihto: Kaikkia satuttaa, että jätit meidät

Kanadalainen Damian piti yhteyttä äitiinsä Christianne Boudreauhun vielä senkin jälkeen, kun oli liittynyt äärijärjestö Isisin riveihin. Boudreau jakoi hänen ja poikansa sydäntäsärkevän viimeisen keskustelun MTV Uutisille.

– Me kaipaamme sinua yhä kovasti ja rakastamme sinua valtavasti. Kaikkia satuttaa vieläkin se, että saatoit jättää meidät ja altistaa itsesi vaaroille – mietimme päivittäin oletko kunnossa vai et.

Näin kanadalainen Christianne Boudreau kirjoittaa Syyriassa äärijärjestö Isisin riveissä taistelevalle pojalleen elokuun 20. päivän aamuna 2013. Hän ei ole nähnyt poikaansa Damiania yli kahdeksaan kuukauteen.

– Ajatus siitä, etten enää koskaan näkisi sinua tai voisi koskettaa sinua, on särkenyt sydämeni palasiksi. Ehkä et voi koskaan ymmärtää kaipaustani, koska sinusta ei tule koskaan äitiä, hän jatkaa.

Äidin ja muun perheen lukuisista yrityksistä huolimatta Damian pysyy yhä valitsemalle tielleen uskollisena. Hän vastaa äidilleen vielä samana päivänä. 

– Minäkin kaipaan teitä, mutta kuten saatat aavistaa, mikään ei ole muuttunut uskoni, aikomusteni tai nykyisen tilanteeni suhteen, Damian kirjoittaa. 

– Olisi parempi, jos voisit hyväksyä sen, jotta voisimme keskustella ilman, että hoet jatkuvasti "me kaipaamme sinua, olet särkemässä sydäntäni". Se ei saa minua tuntemaan syyllisyyttä ja tappaa keskustelun.

– Olen viimeinkin paikassa, johon kuulun. Minulla on paljon tehtävää ja se on muuttamassa elämäni: Uskoni on vankempi kuin koskaan aikaisemmin, olen viime aikoina tosissani etsinyt vaimoa ja aion mennä pian naimisiin, Damian kertoo äidilleen.

"Pidä huolta itsestäsi"

Seuraavana päivänä Christianne vastaa yrittävänsä tehdä kuten hänen poikansa käskee ja hyväksyä tilanteen. 

– Pelkään vain, ettet koskaan ymmärrä kuinka paljon merkitset minulle ja miten olet luonani aina. Tämä on se viesti, jonka haluan sinulle välittää. En mitään muuta.

– Tiedän sen, Damian vastaa kahta päivää myöhemmin.

Hän on aikaisemmissa viesteissään mainunnut, että internet-yhteys on melko huono ja kallis.

– Minun täytyy taas mennä, Damian kirjoittaa elokuun 23. päivä.

– Pidä huolta itsestäsi.

Nämä jää Damian viimeiseksi sanoiksi äidilleen. Syyskuun alussa yhteys poikaan katkeaa kokonaan.

Tammikuussa 2014 toimittaja soittaa Boudreaulle ja kertoo Twitter-viestistä, joka koskee teloitusta Haritanissa. Syyrian presidenttiä Bashar al-Assadia vastustavaan Vapaan Syyrian armeijan jäsenet ovat teloittaneet hänen poikansa.

Tammikuun lopussa Boudreau kirjoittaa vielä yhden viestin pojalleen.

– Minä kaipaan sinua ja toivon, ettei sinua olisi tapettu.

Äidin ja pojan koko keskustelu englanniksi:

Christianne Boudreau

I don't know who this is, but stealing someone else's Facebook profile is not something you should be doing.

8/12, 12:26am

Damian Clairmont

This is who it appears to be. I closed the old account and made this one - which is pretty much identical - due to some problems with the old one. I would accept a friend request and 24-48 hours later the person would vanish or I would not be able to see them at all. This is a new facebook account with a new email but pretty much identical to my old one.

8/12, 9:01am

Christianne Boudreau

I thought you didn't have internet connection. I thought you were done with Facebook and didn't believe in it anymore. Has something changed in your world?

8/12, 2:36pm

Damian Clairmont

I have access to an internet connection now. It costs a fortune and I have little bandwidth left but it is enough to get by. I have put a halt on Facebook due to several reasons - most of which still exist - but have always used it minimally to keep in touch with Hope. As my means of communication are far more limited now, there may be a benefit to leaving this channel open for the time being.

8/20, 6:12am

Damian Clairmont

I am going to assume due to the content of a message from Hope you may be telling people this account is not really me but rather someone trying to get info. I told you this is who it appears to be. You are welcome to test that fact if you would like. The picture is new btw. I know it is odd that I am on facebook, but I made it clear to you why. Anyway I am around from time to time but have about 200 MB left of net so am going to spare that and use it for emails and facebook only.

8/20, 8:56am

Christianne Boudreau

We didn't know it was you just before she left for holidays. It was not like you to use Facebook. She's not back from BC yet so I haven't talked to her about it since.

8/20, 9:03am

Christianne Boudreau

We all still miss you very much and love you very much as well. Everyone is still hurt that you would leave us all and put yourself at risk while we guess every day whether you're alright or not. It makes it very, very difficult as a Mom to watch all of her children go through the heartache as well as my own. I feel as if I have lost another son already because I have to keep that in the back of my mind everyday. The thought of never seeing you or holding you again has broken my heart in pieces. I guess you'll never understand because you will never be a mother.

8/20, 4:21pm

Damian Clairmont

Even now - as I am sure is obvious by the minimality of my page - I am not a committed Facebook user. However, as I told you there is a benefit of communication from it. I do miss you all as well, but as you may have assumed, nothing has changed in terms of my faith, my intentions or my current situation. It would be better for you to accept this so that we would be able to speak without there being the same "we all miss you you are breaking my heart" thing which fails to cause guilt and kills all forms of conversation. I am finally where I belong, I have plenty of important life changing work, my faith is stronger than ever, I have recently been searching seriously for a wife and intend to get married soon, I have a house in line for after I get married (I do not require it atm), I eat very well, I am physically fitter than I have ever been, I have learnt a language new language in 9 months which I now speak maybe better then my French, and so on... You are better off focusing on all those things then dwelling on that which will not change.

8/21, 9:32am

Christianne Boudreau

Then that is what I will do. A friend of mine, Abdul, has been spending time with me talking about things and that's helped. He actually works with Mike and comes out for supper once in awhile. The breaking of my heart thing is not to cause guilt, it is for you to understand how much I worry about you getting hurt and how much I love you. I worry that you never understood just how much you mean to me and how much each piece of you stays with me. That's the message I want to get through to you. Nothing else.

I have sent a message to Hope explaining that it's ok to accept you as a friend as it is really you. She responded this morning so I expect you'll be in contact with her soon as well.

I love you.

8/23, 10:45am

Damian Clairmont

Thank you for clearing things up with Hope.

As for how you worry about me and love me, it is known to me. These are not new pieces of information nor did I ever have any doubt about that, contrary to what you may believe. So you should not believe I have any doubt in that.

The problem with all the people with Muslim (or Arab) names you have been speaking to is that they are in so many ways far from Islam that even to call them Muslims would be difficult for me if not impossible... and therefore I do not feel they could explain anything to you. I would not want you to believe they could actually explain anything to you or help you understand me or my faith as I am certain they themselves do not know, and this would be misleading for you. The simplest way to understand me, my faith or my thought process is to ask me or talk to me about it. This is the only way you can get the full story. There are no secrets in that regard.

Anyway once again I have to run. I restocked on Bandwidth so I should be around.

Take care.

1/30, 11:12pm

Christianne Boudreau

I miss you and I wish you were never killed



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